EXCLUSIVE: The Connecticut Democratic Party has obtained a totally real copy of today’s Republican statewide candidate meeting.

From the desk of J.R. Romano

Republican State Central Committee

Candidate Meeting Notice

Thursday, January 26, 2017 in the evening
31 Pratt Street, 4th Floor
Hartford, CT 06103

AGENDA

1. Pledge of Allegiance
2. Roll Call
   • Chairman Romano informs candidates that Ambassador Tom Foley is prepared to attend the next meeting and take the mantle again
3. Chairman’s Report
   • Chairman Romano attempts to assure other candidates that he won’t put his thumb on the scale for his friend Tim Herbst
   • Asks all candidates to sign onto the Family Institute of Connecticut Petition to support their party’s efforts to crack down on a women’s right to choose in the legislature.
   • Chairman Romano thanks Mayor Boughton for his leadership in producing a report that recommends increasing the sales tax on residents and thanks the Republican Mayors and First Selectman for their unwavering support for that proposal.
4. Old Business
   • Mark Boughton informs Republicans that he will be out of state whenever questions of leadership arise, specifically asks that no Republicans talk about his record on protecting law-abiding immigrants in Danbury and President Trump’s recent Executive Actions.
   • Peter Lumaj gives instruction in raising money from out-of-state donors
   • Prasad Srinivasan informs fellow candidates that he is running for governor. They are surprised.
   • Tony Hwang tells his fellow candidates, from experience, how not to take illegal donations from state contractors. (Hint: the secret is raising almost no money)
5. New Business
   • Tim Herbst flips the table and storms out of the meeting because no one gave him the floor to give his presentation on how to use taxpayer resources for political gain. Vows to hold lifetime grudges against those who wronged him.
6. Adjourn, awkwardly.